Anger may be handled wrongly in either one of two ways: blowing up and clamming up.
Christian Living in the Home, P&R Publishing, 1972, p. 31, Used by Permission.
There are some things a man simply must be before he is qualified to assume the role of a Christian husband. For instance, he must be a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14); he must be committed to biblical headship (Ephesians 5:23ff.); he must welcome children (Psalm 127:3-5); he must be a suitable priest (Joshua 24:15), prophet (Ephesians 6:4), protector (Nehemiah 4:13-14), and provider (1 Timothy 5:8; Titus 2:5). A man who does not possess – or at least show strong signs of – these and other basic characteristics does not meet the basic job description laid down for husbands in the Bible
Multigenerational Vision by Voddie Baucham taken from What He Must Be by Voddie Baucham, copyright 2009, Crossway Books, a division of Good News Publishers, Wheaton Illinois 60187, www.crosswaybooks.org. Page 17.
Uncontrolled temper is soon dissipated on others. Resentment, bitterness, and self-pity build up inside our hearts and eat away at our spiritual lives like a slowly spreading cancer.
The Practice of Godliness, NavPress, 1996, p. 141. Used by permission of NavPress – www.navpress.com. All rights reserved. Get this book!
Anger and bitterness are two noticeable signs of being focused on self and not trusting God’s sovereignty in your life. When you believe that God causes all things to work together for good to those who belong to Him and love Him, you can respond to trials with joy instead of anger or bitterness.
Self-Confrontation Manual, Lesson 11, Page 1, Used by Permission of the Biblical Counseling Foundation.
Anger and bitterness are formidable detriments to biblical love, harmonious relationships, and maturity in Christ. Failing to put off anger and bitterness grieves the Holy Spirit, gives Satan an opportunity in your life, obscures your witness to others, and disrupts the unity in the Body of Christ. Dealing biblically with anger and bitterness requires wholehearted obedience to God’s Word in every circumstance and with every person, even if your feelings dictate otherwise.
Self-Confrontation Manual, Lesson 11, Page 2, Used by Permission of the Biblical Counseling Foundation.
No matter how just your words may be, you ruin everything when you speak with anger.
Satan recognizes anger as a fertile field, capable of producing all kinds of sin.
Righteous Anger, www.bible.org, Copyright ©1996-2005, All rights reserved.
No form of vice, not worldliness, not greed of gold, not drunkenness itself, does more to un-Christianize society than evil temper. For embittering life, for breaking communities, for destroying the most sacred relationships, for devastating homes, for withering up men and women, for taking the bloom off childhood; in short, for sheer gratuitous misery-producing power, this influence stands alone.
Love to God is opposite to a disposition in men to be angry at others’ faults chiefly as they themselves are offended and injured by them: It rather disposes them to look at them chiefly as committed against God.
The Spirit of Love the Opposite of An Angry or Wrathful Spirit, 1 Corinthians 13:5.
Pride is one chief cause of undue anger. It is because men are proud, and exalt themselves in their own hearts, that they are revengeful, and are apt to be excited, and to make great things out of little ones that may be against themselves. Yea, they even treat as vices things that are in themselves virtues, when they think their honor is touched, or when their will is crossed. And it is pride that makes men so unreasonable and rash in their anger, and raises it to such a high degree, and continues it so long, and often keeps it up in the form of habitual malice… If men sought not chiefly their own private and selfish interests, but the glory of God and the common good, then their spirit would be a great deal more stirred up in God’s cause than in their own; and they would not be prone to hasty, rash, inconsiderate, immoderate, and long-continued wrath, with any who might have injured or provoked them; but they would in a great measure forget themselves for God’s sake, and from their zeal for the honor of Christ. The end they would aim at, would be, not making themselves great, or getting their own will, but the glory of God and the good of their fellow-beings.
The Spirit of Love the Opposite of An Angry or Wrathful Spirit, 1 Corinthians 13:5.
The heart if man is exceedingly prone to undue and sinful anger, being naturally full of pride and selfishness.
Four wrong ways to deal with anger:
1. Repress. Hold it in, ignore, deny, push it under, stuff it.
a. Internally. Seethe with bitterness, jealousy, etc.
b. Externally. The “silent treatment” (Eph. 4:26).
2. Express. “Dump it;” “get it off your chest.”
a. Direct expression. Explode. Blow up (Gal. 5:20; Prov. 12:16; Prov. 14:29; Prov. 29:11; Prov. 29:22; Eccl. 7:9).
b. Indirect expression. “I’ll get even” (Lev. 19:18; Rom. 12:19).
c. Substitutionary expression. “Ventilation.”
3. Digress. Turn aside. Get your mind off of it.
4. Profess to be powerless. Make excuses. Disclaim responsibility.
Excerpted from: Anger, Study Outlines, 1999, www.christinyou.net.
Five correct ways to deal with anger:
1. Suppress. Restrain; subdue the negative expression (Prov. 29:11; Prov. 17:14; Prov. 20:3).
2. Assess. Evaluate the situation objectively.
a. Consider the other person’s perspective.
b. Consider your contribution to the problem (Matt. 7:3-5; James 1:19).
3. Confess. “Say the same thing as God” (I John 1:9).
4. Process. Proceed to make it right.
a. “Turn the other cheek” (Matt. 5:39).
b. Gentle answer (Prov. 15:1).
c. Meekness (Eph. 4:2; I Peter 3:15).
d. Forgiveness (Matt. 18:22; Col. 3:13).
e. Give a blessing (I Peter 3:9).
5. Access. In computer terminology this means “to connect with,” “to communicate with.” The foregoing behavioral expressions must be a result of the Christian having “accessed” with God (1 Peter 2:23).
Excerpted from: Anger, Study Outlines, 1999, www.christinyou.net.
Anger becomes sinful when it:
1. Results in “quick-tempered” behavior.
2. Hurts people physically.
3. Persists and results in bitterness.
4. Prolongs communications.
5. Hurts people emotionally and spiritually.
6. Becomes vengeful.
The Measure of a Man by Gene Getz, Copyright 1995, Adapted from p. 140-144, Gospel Light/Regal Books, Ventura, CA 93003. Used by Permission. Get this book!
The person characterized by an angry heart has a propensity to make an idol of power, control, having their own way, or to be covetous. This person might find themselves making conscious and/or unconscious statements like, “I want respect or peace!” or “I can’t believe so and so!” A person who chooses not to deal with an angry heart may be characterized by bitterness, judgment toward others, discontentment, lack of joy, and strained relationships and/or continual conflict in relationships. Others might comment that their actions and attitude can be volatile, ungrateful, condemning, grouchy, intimidating, irritable or difficult.
Counseling the Hard Cases, Edited by Stuart Scott and Health Lambert, B&H Publishing, 2012, p. 185, Used by Permission.
It is only our bad temper that we put down to being tired or worried or hungry; we put our good temper down to ourselves.
It’s important to understand that anger is not good as a response to problems. It usually builds walls, increases tension, and contributes to distance in relationships. But we do believe that anger is good for identifying problems. Once you understand anger, you’ll be able to use it to your advantage to point out problems in life. Then you must move into another mode or plan to solve those problems (Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller).
Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character In You and Your Kids, National Center for Biblical Parenting, 76 Hopatcong Drive, Lawrenceville, NJ 08648, www.biblicalparenting.org, 1-800.771.8334, email [email protected].
Five Causes of Anger: 1. Physical Pain. 2. Blocked Goals. 3. Violated Rights. 4. Unfairness. 5. Unmet Expectations (Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller).
Adapted from: Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, National Center for Biblical Parenting, 76 Hopatcong Drive, Lawrenceville, NJ 08648, www.biblicalparenting.org, 1-800.771.8334, email [email protected].
Most of our bitterness and anger towards others is rooted in an inability to be profoundly amazed at Christ’s love for us in our sin. If you are struggling with bitterness then it may be that the Lord is letting the very sin that is flowing from your inability to see Christ be the means by which you come to see him. In other words, perhaps this season of rage, anger, and a fed-up “I’m out of here and don’t want anything to do with you” spirit is where you have had to come in order to see the greatness of your sin as a forgiven and justified saint. And the Lord has done it so that you would be stunned at his grace in a deeper way than you’ve ever been stunned by the grace of God before. And now, out of that experience can flow grace towards others.
Why Can’t I Overcome My Bitterness and Anger?
[Anger] devours almost all other good emotions. It deadens the soul. It numbs the heart to joy and gratitude and hope and tenderness and compassion and kindness.
This Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p. 150, www.DesiringGod.org.
God has never done anything that should legitimately cause anger in any of His children. We are never warranted in getting angry at God. Ever. It happens. And we should admit it, and tremble, and repent, and turn back to humble trust in His sovereign goodness.
This Momentary Marriage – A Parable of Permanence, Desiring God Foundation, 2008, p. 151, www.DesiringGod.org.
If your anger is due to your recognition that a holy God has been offended by another’s behavior, that anger is righteous. In other words, if we are angry because God’s revealed will (not His decreed will; for everything that happens has been foreordained by Him) is violated, our anger is righteous. On the other hand, if your anger is the result of not having your personal desires met, that anger is likely to be sinful.
The Complete Husband, Calvary Press, 1999, Appendix H, www.calvarypress.com.
Six conditions that make anger sinful:
1. When, to favor a resentment or feud, we imagine an injury done to us.
2. When an injury done to us becomes, in our minds, greater than it really is.
3. When, without real injury, we feel resentment on account of pain or inconvenience.
4. When indignation rises too high, and overwhelms our ability to restrain.
5. When we gratify resentments by causing pain or harm out of revenge.
6. When we are so perplexed and angry at sin in our own lives that we readily project anger at the sin we find in others.
Christ and Life, Revell, 1901, p. 104.
Anger is [not] in itself sinful, but…it may be the occasion for sin. The issue of self-control is the question of how we deal with anger. Violence, tantrums, bitterness, resentment, hostility, and even withdrawn silence are all sinful responses to anger.
The Intimate Marriage, P&R Publishing, 1975, p. 72.
A sermon often does a man most good when it makes him most angry. Those people who walk down the aisles and say, “I will never hear that man again,” very often have an arrow rankling in their breast.
Do not say, “I cannot help having a bad temper." Friend, you must help it. Pray to God to help you overcome it at once, for either you must kill it, or it will kill you. You cannot carry a bad temper into heaven.
Recognize that uncontrolled anger inflames emotions, exaggerates issues and hinders godly correction. It leads to be less rational and more self-justifying. It deals with people harshly. Loud, threatening talk can echo in a person’s mind for a lifetime.
Leading With Love, Lewis and Roth, 2006, p. 143-144, Used by Permission.
Some well-meaning counselors may say that you need to “forgive God” for the things you have endured. Yet never in Scripture are we asked to forgive God. God has not wronged us. God is ultimately the only truly wronged party, as He is the only One who is truly innocent. It is we who have sinned against Him. In His graciousness, He has chosen to pay the penalty for our sins Himself and save us. If you are holding on to anger against the Lord, let His grace melt your bitterness. Only in submission to Him will you find peace.
Getting Past Guilt: Overcoming Barriers to Feeling Forgiven. See more at: http://www.insight.org/resources/articles/encouragement-healing/getting-past-guilt.html?referrer=https://www.google.com/#sthash.Pk5C35Qn.dpuf.
The anger of man and the anger of God takes Jesus to the cross.
Anger is a Story, James 1:1-27.
Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. It’s a child’s reaction to an adult situation.
You can measure the character of a man by the size of the things that make him angry.
If we are angry [with] God…we should be reminded that His love is much more sophisticated than we know. Our anger shows that we are small children who think we know what is best.
Depression: A Stubborn Darkness, Punch Press, 2004, p. 70. Get this book!
When we’re angry at people and circumstances, we are really lashing out at God’s good providence. Instead of kissing the hand that afflicts us, we’re demanding that God order our lives by our script, our assessment of people, our comfort level.
Exemplary Spiritual Leadership, DayOne, 2010, p. 73, Used by Permission.
