A first date should be safe, relating and fun. It should minimize awkward, compromising scenes. We think it best if the first date not be a place at night, both to create a more casual setting and to minimize sexual tension. The goal is to get to know each other better and to begin the process of sharing that, Lord willing, may lead to a closer relationship down the road (Richard and Sharon Phillips).
Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 121. Used by Permission.
Some advice… about first dates. For the man, be polite, well dressed, and on time. All of these things show respect and consideration. Don’t be so intent on impressing her with worldly things, such as your car and the money you can spend, at least if you are hoping for the kind of woman commended in the Bible. Take her to a place that will make her feel comfortable and safe. Take an interest in her, and don’t talk all the time. Ask her questions and listen to what she says in reply. You should be interested in getting to know her heart and the character of her relationship to Christ. Above all, our Lord commands you: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 19:19). Your guiding rule should be to ensure that a woman who spends time with you is spiritually encouraged by the experience. You must take responsibility to ensure that conversation is wholesome and godly. Remember that you are out either with your future wife or with the future wife of some other Christian man. Start honoring marriage now (Heb. 13:4), and thus honor God. If this is not the woman whom God has for you to marry, then assume that her future husband may be on a first date with your future wife. Do unto him as you would have him do unto you (Richard and Sharon Phillips).
Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 123-124. Used by Permission.
One last thing for the guys: call her the next day or evening. A woman feels tremendous anxiety about a first date, even if she isn’t very much interested in the man. Express appreciation for the time you had together, and communicate to her where you think things stand. That’s right – it’s what you must do to protect her heart. If you are sure that you have no further interest, then graciously let her know that. How about this: “I enjoyed the time we spent together, but I don’t think I’m really interested in going out again.” Is that cruel? It may not be good news to her, but if it is true, then it is godly and gracious. How much better this is than giving polite but false impressions that may encourage her to cherish false hopes… This kind of follow-up to a first date is more than a courtesy; it is the reasonable duty of any thoughtful Christian man (Richard and Sharon Phillips).
Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 124-125. Used by Permission.
For the woman: here is your first-date advice. Remember that God wants you to help this man, and he probably needs it! Many men will be awkward and nervous on a first date, so do everything you can to be encouraging and friendly. Dress attractively, appropriately, and modestly (unless you really are hoping to attract a cad). Immodest dress or suggestive conversation is nothing less than an attempt to manipulate his interest. Women who do this incite men to lust and cause them to stumble, while starting the relationship on a very poor footing. Furthermore, do not be demanding or critical and do not complain (remember Prov. 21:9), and speak in a careful and edifying manner. Take an interest in him and get to know things about his life – his family, his work, and his interests. Speak freely about your faith and inquire about his (Richard and Sharon Phillips).
Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 125. Used by Permission.
Women, too, need to remember the appropriate level of commitment and intimacy on a first date. Guard your heart and your expectations. Do not enter into a first date dreaming about marriage or trying out his last name with your first name; be emotionally prepared for it not to work out. One of the reasons the Christian man may be uneasy about dating is that the risk is too high among many other believers. If he doesn’t end up marrying her, his name will be mud with all the other women at church! Such a man fears to date lest he be forced to leave a church he loves. This kind of situation is unreasonable and unfair; the woman can help by keeping expectations in check and allowing the man to interact with her without easily breaking her heart. But insist that he treat you with respect and care, and do the same to him in return. Like the man, you should resolve that time he spends in your company will have been to his spiritual blessing and will have been pleasing to the Lord. If you don’t want to go out again, be honest. But don’t tell your friends about the things you found unattractive; protect his reputation and cover his flaws in love (Richard and Sharon Phillips).
Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 126. Used by Permission.
What is the commitment level on a first date? It is low – brother and sister in Christ. This certainly calls for care and respect. But it does not make it appropriate or wise for you to share your dirty laundry and open wide your heart. A first date is for wholesome interaction and the beginnings of a relationship, and it should not have the features of intimacy that are safe only in a more committed relationship. This, of course, means that there should be no sexual contact, and a godly man communicates respect for a woman’s character by making no such advances or innuendos (Richard and Sharon Phillips).
Holding Hands and Holding Hearts, P&R, 2006, p. 124. Used by Permission.
